How To Shut Hermione Up
by ZAPBETH
Summary: “Hermione, I don’t get why you insist on reading so much.” “Of course, you wouldn’t, Ron. Books are like deadly weapons to you, aren’t they?” [RH, oneshot]


**A/N: I've always wanted to write one of these pure dialogue oneshots, so here it is. Hope you enjoy it, and reviews are awesome.**

"Hermione, I don't get why you insist on reading so much."

"Of course, you wouldn't, Ron. Books are like deadly weapons to you, aren't they?"

"I've never said that! You're putting words in my mouth!"

"Well, if your mouth wasn't so big…"

"So now, you're turning this into yet another rant about how much I eat?"

"Of course not, why in the world would I do that?"

"Because you're too smug to admit that books don't hold the key to everything."

"I'm too smug? This coming from the man who thought he shouldn't admit he's made mistakes?"

"What? You're the kind of person who won't even allow yourself to think that you could have made a mistake, let alone voice it."

"So you're saying that I'm a snob."

"Well, that's what you probably thought I implied, and you can't make a mistake. I guess so."

"Oh, you insufferable git!"

"I'm an insufferable git when I say things like that, but when you say it, it's 'intelligence.'"

"Why am I even bothering to be friends with you? You're rude and inconsiderate and –"

"And completely charming?"

"And completely annoying!"

"Somebody's a little snippy today. What happened, your packed bookcase collapsed and loads of books hit you on your head?"

"No! And that proves my point! If that had actually happened, which it didn't, you would probably laugh at me and completely forget to ask me if I'm all right!"

"Well, are you all right?"

"It didn't happen!"

"Ah, but you wouldn't admit if it had, because it would be a mistake to fill your bookcase up to the point where it's in danger of collapsing from the weight."

"I thought you were the one who wouldn't admit your mistakes and I was the one who wouldn't let the thought enter my head."

"Oh, then, I made a mistake."

"What?"

"Well, you obviously think of everything, so you must think about making mistakes. You wouldn't say any of your doubts or you actual mistake, for that matter, out loud."

"Ron…"

"Now, at some times, this may be a virtue, since you'll be farced by your insanity to go back and fix your mistakes. At other times, it's just damn annoying."

"Ron!"

"What now?"

"I'd just like to say –"

"There's no way to keep you from talking, is there?"

"I'm trying to say something! Of course you're allowed to spit out as many lies as you want to, but if I try to get a word in edgewise, I'll be inter—"

"Yeah, that's how it works."

"Wipe that idiotic grin off your face!"

"Now, Hermione, you've blown this way out of proportion. I was just trying to get you to stop reading."

"So you choose to insult me in order to accomplish your goal. That's very kind of you, Ron."

"Well, maybe it wasn't smart to do it that way…"

"Since when can anything you do be labeled smart? I had to coach you through school, just so you'd pass –"

"You had to coach Harry, too, if I remember correctly."

"Don't drag somebody else down with you. It's pretty inconsiderate."

"Don't point your nose down at me."

"How can I do that? You're taller than I am."

"How am I supposed to know? You're the genius."

"You really think I'm a genius?"

"Of course, who else could be so mad and so brilliant at the same time?"

"So now I'm mad, because I happen to like to read?"

"No, you like to read, because you're mad."

"How dare you!"

"Well, who else would choose to read that much if they weren't mad?"

"Just so you know, I enjoy reading, and I have given no reason for you to doubt my sanity."

"Well, maybe being mad might count as a mistake…"

"What?"

"And you don't admit your mistakes, so I have reason to doubt your sanity."

"Oh, I get what's happening now. You wanted to get into an argument, because you enjoy seeing me get all riled up. You're going to go tell Harry everything I've just aid, so the two of you can have a good laugh over this."

"Hermione?"

"Did I sound like I was finished speaking to you?"

"I think I've fancied you for a while…"

"…"

"You can talk again now, you know."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Well, I had to shut you up somehow."


End file.
